Behind again...!

"Seriously mom? What else have you got to do?"

Wow! So of course, I got behind again! =(

I have a 5 month update to do (once I get those pictures on the computer, ha) but we've been a bit busy around these parts. Some of what's happened since I've been gone:

- We visited Ohio for a week and saw as much of my husband's family as possible. (Stay tuned for a full update and some adorable pics!)

- I got up to my full dose of Synthroid since my thyroid debacle at the beginning of August and I feel MUCH better! I'm about 100% I'd say. Still don't feel like working out though... ;-)

- I've started getting things together for my Etsy shop. Yay! :D I am desperate to make some extra cash since it's become extremely obvious to me that my husband and I have different money priorities and nothing will ever get purchased for the house if I'm not doing it.

- Miss Iz has started eating purees and wearing 9 month clothes. =') I cannot wait for her appointment in October so we can see how big she's gotten! I expect a hefty increase since I didn't realize she wasn't getting enough breastmilk at the time of her last appointment.

- On that note, we officially have stopped breastfeeding completely as of yesterday. =( I almost made it to six months. I feel like I did as well as I could considering the circumstances but it is somewhat depressing to know I had just a great routine only to have it completely undermined by my thyroid. I could've worked to re-lactate, it's true, but I was too disappointed and crushed to be in the right mindset about it.

I think that's the major things. I hope to get her five month update out tomorrow... =P

Well, it's Official

I am finally going on synthroid.

I never really knew much about the thyroid part of my health issues. I mean, I knew I had hashimotos like my father, and I knew I had nodules (which lead to a biopsy about a year ago) but everything looked great on my last ultrasound and so I never worried much about it. I knew thyroid issues could be exacerbated postpartum but at my three month endocronologist appointment my thyroid showed no signs of irregularity, so I figured I was golden.

But then came the weight - I gained 10 lbs in two weeks. (Much to my dismay.)

And the lethargy - I couldn't drag myself out of bed before noon. (I was getting up with baby and walking at six thirty every morning. I started just bringing her back into bed with me and taking a long nap.)

And then I noticed it: the goiter. My neck was huge. My husband could visibly see the enlarged thyroid. I could feel the pressure of it laying on my back. (Much to my horror. The idea of a goiter simultaneously scares the crap out of me and totally disgusts me.)

Worse was all of this occurred in less than three weeks!!

So of course I called my doctor. The nurse was very sympathetic and gave me an appointment as soon as she could since "it must be bad as you're not a complainer." (Nice to know they know me there haha.)

Had an ultrasound and sure enough my thyroid doubled in size. So I got some blood work done and I just hoped it was consistent with my symptoms so I didn't have to do another biopsy.

When the nurse called she said to me "you won't even believe how high your TSH levels are." Having never had a TSH above four, I was thinking the 20-30 range. Nope. My TSH was 74. She said "no wonder you feel lethargic!" and even thanked me for calling and making the appointment when I did.

So this morning was my first dose of synthroid. It'll be six weeks before I'm on the full dose but I hope I respond well to the medication and start feeling better soon. I'm so thankful I have a doctor who listens to me and takes me seriously. I know others aren't so lucky.

Doctors and Indecision

I went back to the endocronologist today for the first time since my pregnancy. I am glad I have a doctor who makes firm decisions and doesn't ask me what I want because right now I am so at odds with myself about the whole thing.

Sometimes I really just want to go on metformin and be done with it. I want to be lazy like everyone else gets to be. I don't want to give up ice cream and pasta and fruit. I don't want to go back to eating chicken and vegetables for every meal. I know somewhere along the line I just have to accept this is how life is for me, but its just damn depressing for someone who enjoys food as much as I do.

But I suppose I should be thankful. My doctor believes in me. I mean, we don't have a particularly close relationship other than our brief meetings every three months (although I've probably seen her more than any other doctor in my life.) So when I say she believes in me, its not in some cheesy 'go get em sister' movie script way. But she knows I can do it. She doesn't just prescribe drugs to pacify me. She challenges me to be the best I can be, and I think everyone deserves that.

And I know I can do it too. Furthermore I don't think I should be on medication prior to conceiving again. (Call me old fashioned but I think sometimes your body is telling you its not healthy enough to support life - especially when you've not had a period for over a year.)

But man sometimes I just wish I could throw in the towel. I'm only 25. I'm facing down at least 50 more years of this crap, hopefully 75. I just hope Miss Iz doesn't have this curse. =(

Cardio

All of my life I thought I hated working out.

I vaguely knew I was interested in weight lifting - mainly because I was dating a lifter and I viewed anything he could do that I "couldn't" as a challenge. (He brought out the worst in me, what can I say?) But it was the opinion in my social circle at the time that weight lifting was for me and cardio was for women and if I was going to exercise I had to spend three hours a day on the treadmill.

So I just didn't exercise.

Well, when you have a doctor look at you, tell you that you're 215 pounds, that you have thyroid issues, PCOS, and that you're pre-diabetic but that she's willing to give you a chance to turn all this around on your own, you DO something.

Basically I had no excuse to tell my lovely husband "no" anymore about trying out one of this krav maga classes.

Let me tell you, krav is AWESOME. I sucked at it at first of course. I have no natural coordination, stamina, or strength. But in a year I dropped 25 pounds, gained a ton of muscle, got my period back, and passed my first belt test. Unbeknownst to me, I passed that test a few days pregnant.

The next week I took a pregnancy test and my dreams had come true! I was healthy enough to have a baby without medical intervention! But you can't do krav pregnant and I stopped altogether.

Now that Iz is here, I still can't regain my regimen as I can hardly take her with me and I can't get there by the time my husband gets home from work. Therefore, I have to compromise. I have to do cardio.

Luckily I have some things in my favor. I had gestational diabetes and was on insulin for a few months, which I think helped make me 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. I had the foresight to buy an excellent jogging stroller. The hubs was kind enough to purchase me some nice running shoes.

Plus, I'm hella motivated. All my baby fever will be for naught if I never get my period back.

So yesterday I decided to start walking 2 miles Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I would like to do the C25K program but I've always had terrible shin splints so I'm warming up for a few weeks walking and then will probably repeat weeks frequently as I start. So I'm setting a reasonable goal for myself. I would like to be able to do a 5k by Miss Iz's birthday in April. It took me about a year of exercising to get to the point where I was fertile last time and I want to start trying for baby #2 in a year - it seems like a perfect plan to me. ;-)

Krav taught me I didn't hate working out. Hopefully Iz can teach me I don't hate cardio. But I'm not terribly optimistic...

Baby fever...?!

Is it possible to have baby fever when you already have a baby?

I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure I have it!

I realize how ridiculous that sounds but you have to understand I'm not doing the sleepless nights thing as Miss Iz sleeps eight hours a night. And she's also the perfect baby, she almost never fusses or cries. (Though I'm quite aware how lucky I am and know #2 probably won't be so easy!)

It honestly makes me think twins wouldn't have been so bad. ;-)

But seriously all I can think about is how awesome it will be for her to have a little brother or sister, what we will name him or her, how it feels to have a little baby growing inside you...!

All this from the girl who swore she would NEVER have children.

Regardless, we have to wait at least a year due to my health issues. People keep telling me I might not have gestational diabetes again, but then the same people also laughed at my prediction last time around. Luckily my doctors didn't because I was clearly diabetic when tested early at 16 weeks and ended up on insulin a few weeks later. =\

But that's also part of my motivation I'm sure. The reason we had Iz when we did was mainly based on my fears that if my health deteriorated I wouldn't be able to have kids at all. (Well, and my husband's two years of asking! =P)

Anyway, the take away here is don't be surprised if I start posting about baby making in a year! (I just hope I can stop at two!)