Wanted

How could I leave this face...?!

I was contacted for the first time in my life by a recruiter this week. It was so shocking to me I actually considered it. It was only a three month contract position that was right up my alley, but the idea of sticking my baby in a day care was so unappealing I changed my mind.

It is just so hard for me to be without a job, despite the fact I don't even want one. I still feel this crazy drive to work regardless. It's horrible. I even want to apply to crap retail jobs. I don't think it would be so bad if I were booking photo gigs.

At least if have some of my own money. But luckily my only other stay at home mom friend (who cheats and works nights as a nurse) reminded me that this time goes so fast. That I will never get these first five years back. That in the grand scheme of things, it is more important to be laying down the fundamental beginnings of my baby's life than making money. She already did it with her two boys so I have to trust her perspective.

I mean, just the other night we played so hard. I spent an hour kissing her tummy and tickling her, making her laugh uncontrollably. Lifting her in the air to the tune of her little squeals. Rolling around in the floor and playing with her toys. Seeing her smile at me with all the joy in the world. I would hate to be working weekends and missing that opportunity. Or being too tired after work to give her my full attention. Or for her to think that someone else was her primary provider and caretaker and not me.

It is so hard to be a mom. These are the kind of decisions that tear a woman apart.

But I think I will got back to grad school and get my MBA when she is 4 or 5. I think it will stack nicely on my communications degree. And I really don't see what choice I have. I can hardly reenter the work force with the degree I have only having never had a full time job in my field really. I also think I'd like to be a project manager now, too. I didn't really know jobs like that existed before entering the workforce or I might've taken that route directly. We'll see. It gives me something to look forward to on that front without requiring any immediate action. ;-)