Happiness

Poor quality camera phone photos. ;-)

I didn't really think I would enjoy being a stay at home mom. My sense of self has been tightly interwoven with having a job and doing well ever since I landed my first one at 15. (I think my total time unemployed in the last ten years might equal six months, which could easily be made up by the times I had more than one job.) In fact, I frequently joke to people about how mind-numbingly boring being a stay at home mom is. But I'll let you in on a secret: that's not even remotely true.

Okay, I did have a difficult time adjusting at first. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy it exactly, it was more than Miss Iz wasn't on a schedule of any sort so every day could be completely different and that was stressful to me. I couldn't really plan to do any particular thing because the whole thing might come crashing down on me in one ill-timed meltdown. But now that I know her, her moods, how frequently she needs to eat, when she might need to nap, and so on, I have a lot more freedom, and I honestly really like staying at home.

It helps that my husband doesn't have any particular expectation of how well-kept the house should be. Therefore, the fact that I rarely get to chores doesn't bother him and he still helps out around the house. I don't feel that responsibility crushing me and that is where I think a lot of dissatisfaction starts with stay at home moms - the inability to have their house in a constant state of perfection. (Honestly I guess I'm used to living in a constant state of imperfection. I really do need to start getting some of my house projects done during her naps, but they're still not exactly predictable enough for me to pull out a paint can and get cracking.)

I really just love being there for her. I know she couldn't possibly get as much attention in a day care as she does from me (although I still try to give her plenty of autonomous time because I think that's healthy for babies.) I love giving her a million kisses during the day, tickling her, making her break out into a huge grin, helping her roll over, helping her fall asleep by snuggling up close to her... I love that I get to see every little change in her development. I love that she knows that I am there for her no matter what - mommy will come to get her.

Obviously I sometimes get lonely and bored. But really, that's becoming more and more rare. I often run errands with her during the day when all the old people who want to have conversations about babies are out and about. ;-) And I've been actively trying to cultivate relationships with a few other moms I know in the area. (Hey, these are big steps for me, I'm actually rather anti-social!)

I just honestly cannot be more thankful that my husband has a great job to support us, that he trusts me enough in my parenting decisions to let me stay home with her, and that I actually gave this whole stay at home mom thing a shot. It's definitely not for everyone, but at this moment, it is definitely for me.