I went back to the endocronologist today for the first time since my pregnancy. I am glad I have a doctor who makes firm decisions and doesn't ask me what I want because right now I am so at odds with myself about the whole thing.
Sometimes I really just want to go on metformin and be done with it. I want to be lazy like everyone else gets to be. I don't want to give up ice cream and pasta and fruit. I don't want to go back to eating chicken and vegetables for every meal. I know somewhere along the line I just have to accept this is how life is for me, but its just damn depressing for someone who enjoys food as much as I do.
But I suppose I should be thankful. My doctor believes in me. I mean, we don't have a particularly close relationship other than our brief meetings every three months (although I've probably seen her more than any other doctor in my life.) So when I say she believes in me, its not in some cheesy 'go get em sister' movie script way. But she knows I can do it. She doesn't just prescribe drugs to pacify me. She challenges me to be the best I can be, and I think everyone deserves that.
And I know I can do it too. Furthermore I don't think I should be on medication prior to conceiving again. (Call me old fashioned but I think sometimes your body is telling you its not healthy enough to support life - especially when you've not had a period for over a year.)
But man sometimes I just wish I could throw in the towel. I'm only 25. I'm facing down at least 50 more years of this crap, hopefully 75. I just hope Miss Iz doesn't have this curse. =(
You have to get healthy for Korey and your offspring and the rest of us who want you to live a long time and not be sick and immobile! Plus you have to teach healthy habits to Izora like you mentioned...
ReplyDeleteAs far as enjoying food goes, maybe you can try what I do and remind yourself that cravings for food are not an innate part of your personality, they are really more about brain/body chemistry and hormones. You don't have to define yourself by food and consider it unfair that you have to restrict what you eat. So many of the processed things that seem to taste good are so far from what should even be considered food that it can be disturbing to think about. Whether it tastes good or not, some things just shouldn't be eaten by humans. The extra sugar and fat they put in them is there with the intention of playing to your animal instincts to eat those types of things (since they used to be so rare in the diet).
I don't know if any of that perspective would actually inspire you, but it helps me to remember when I really wish I could eat a bunch of junk foods!! See you this weekend! I have presents for the baby.... tehehe.