The title about says it all: babies are selfish.
It isn't that they want to be selfish little time-consuming black holes, it is simply the nature of the beast. They're trying to figure out everything about the world. They can't do a single thing for themselves and everything they do figure out confuses them. They need so much help.
That said, being a stay at home mom is the hands down hardest thing I've ever done. Like all humans, deep down I am still a selfish baby too. My wants and needs are confusing and I need someone to help me too sometimes.
I had these grandiose ideas of what being a stay at home mom looked like: a baby snoozing comfortably nearby while I banged out a novel, a sparkling clean house where you could eat off the floor, baby and I snuggled up together napping peacefully on the couch, a smiling and cooing fount of wonder gently playing with her toys, and so on and so forth.
The reality is a lonely, exhausting, spit-stained existence of trying desperately to heat up something to eat before she realizes you're out of the room and starts screaming. This after a long debate about whether or not you should ignore the hunger pains and just take a nap while you can but you then remind yourself for the hundredth time that you're breastfeeding and if you don't eat neither can your baby.
Working mom's are lucky in that they don't have to deal with 24 hours of this drudgery. They can get out of the house, socialize with people, make a contribution somewhere...
The most socialization I'm guaranteed at least once during the week is a grocery store packed with old people. And I have to rush through, desperately trying to get out in under an hour. Even if I do go to lunch with a friend, my topics of tantalizing conversation have dropped to about one - the shit my husband's doing at work.
But even though I won't be able to put it on my LinkedIn profile, I hope one day I'll be able to say I made a contribution too, if only towards the growth and development of one individual.
So every day I remind myself to stick it out. To put my selfishness aside and focus on her. For the little smiles she doles out, the times she coos at me softly, and when she stares into my eyes and I tell her that her momma will always be there for her.
For the benefit of this one little person.
Oh, how I wish I didn't live in WA--we would start our own mother's coffee group or something! I know exactly how you feel about being stuck at home with no one to talk to, bad TLC shows your only "company" all day, while you're getting whined and spit-up upon. But she is soooo worth it. And I can't imagine spending any less of my time without her. In fact, five minutes after she goes to sleep, I find that I miss her. You've got the right thing going, at least in my opinion (not that that counts for anything) ;-)!
ReplyDeleteBesides, could that little beauty in your oicture BE any more adorable???
Awww I wish you lived here too! That would be fabulous. I could count the number of mommies I know on one hand and none of them are stay at home moms. It would be cool to socialize with people who understood where I was coming from. I get invited to do things with my single or childless friends and I find myself thinking "jeez, I'll be away from her for three hours huh..." and I know my husband can handle it, but I don't think I can! =( Its definitely different than I expected in sooo many ways, but I already know I won't regret it in the end.
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